Category: Life

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How to buy a cottage in Croatia

First, fill out a contract seven times. This is not a lucky number. It’s just fact. The first two you will fill out in the house of your uncle, but they will be wrong.

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First Christmas alone

I spent my first ever Christmas alone. Or did I? They may not celebrate Christmas in Taiwan, but I still had a blast.

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Very beautiful

Whenever I leave my house and walk down the dirt path to the road, there’s a bevy of small girl children who chase after me. “NataLEE! NataLEE!” they love to call out, as though the name itself has some magical power. One small girl in particular will throw her arms...

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Maid in the Philippines

I ran into my maid this morning, as I was coming home from a whorehouse Christmas party that I’d gone to with the Junkie and the Student.

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Loo shopping

I met up with a pal today. He was shopping for a loo. “I’ve never shopped for a toilet before,” he said, as we looked at the options. “Me neither,” I said.

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Forty

There’s this kid that comes around to my house every day asking for money. Malinis, he says. I’ll clean your dog poo. Forty. Forty. Malinis. I hate this kid.