5. Dear Aliens
When you come visit from space and step upon our beautiful bountiful Earth you may look about yourselves and be agog at our fantastic buildings and magnificent vistas and compare them to the barchan dunes of Mars.
You may look at our hairy skin and the fur and scales of our animals and notice the differences to your own gnarled and ratchety exteriors.
You may wonder at our small front-facing eyes and our non-scent-susceptible central noses and our ears with white strings dangling out of them.
What could those white strings be for?
Perhaps your scientists will postulate that they are some sort of shielding mechanism to protect us from the harsh rays of the sun penetrating our holey ozone.
Or, noticing that they often terminate in our trousers, your biologists will theorise that they are a reproductive device.
A rebel group of social scientists may controversially speculate that they are drug dispensers, regularly tranquillising us and keeping us moderate.
Or maybe your alien anthropologists, commenting on their distribution, will deduce that they are symbols of wealth and are used to attract a mate.
Aliens, when you see our dangly white things, I think all of your theories will be correct.